i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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