Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
