Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
