shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
