just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
