so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
