I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pooping to opera.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
