You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
