I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
