I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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