I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
