Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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