Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
