Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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