Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
