Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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