At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
