hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
