I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
