He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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