alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
