You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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