i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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