I hope mine doesn't look like that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
