I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
