I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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