know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
