best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
