It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
