She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize