My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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