you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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