I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
