you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
