so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
