If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
