I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Panties = found
Randomize
