If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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