You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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