I just saw a hot homeless man
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
