It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
