I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
