I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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