do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
