More tranny stories later!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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