we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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