I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize