Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
