I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
