next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
