There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet he comes in French.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
