nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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