NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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