Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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