Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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