well you can't waste a boner
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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