After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
