Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
