K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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