I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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