also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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