I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
