whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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