On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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