I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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