so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
