I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize