Your dad touched me again.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
