allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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