he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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