I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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