you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
