I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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