direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
