I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
