What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
