The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
