So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
