im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
