mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
