i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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