me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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