Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
