why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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