If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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