I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
