I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
