After last night, I could never be a politician.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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