I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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