My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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