I love black thongs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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